2014 Blog Archive

Advice • Fiction • Gaming • General Musings • Reviews

12/29/2014 - The Officially Unofficial Washed Hands Soundtrack
Like music? Sure ya do. Now you can like it while readingWashed Hands! Not like you couldn't do that before, but now you have my music there. So... um... better?
12/22/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Forty-Two, or Single Parenting in Silent Hill
In our last foray into Silent Hill for the time being, let us discuss why the story doesn't make a whole lot of sense and discuss the better narratives that we could have had.
12/17/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Forty-One, or Gag Reel
We take a look at the other ways this little nightmare can play out and make fun of the official monster names in today's journey into horror.
12/15/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Forty, or Surreal Drama
Harry murders a god (or lets it die of boredom, whatever) and says goodbye in the surprisingly effective finale of Silent Hill.
12/08/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Nine, or Spin the Bottle
Wherein both the hero and secondary protagonist are left standing around while the villains bicker. Then horror erupts from Alessa's back and we're all screwed. Also, math.
12/05/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Eight, or In Which We Break the Plot
We encounter one of the best-designed rooms of the game and then discuss how it manages to destroy everything the stupid plot had going for it.
12/03/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Seven, or Plot (or Something Like It)
In which the ghosts of attempted murder-by-fire reenact an incriminating conversation so we can begin to have the vaguest idea of what the hell is going on.
12/01/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Six, or Keys Within Keys
In which we continue our journey through Nowhere, unhappily noting the padding and random, single-instance events they crammed into the final twenty minutes of the game.
11/26/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Five, or The Trial of Lisa Garland
In which we invade Lisa's privacy and then accuse her of things most unbecoming of a woman in her position as caretaker of the defenseless.
11/24/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Four, or Nowhere
We meander about Nowhere, a location which is like the hospital only about 45% trippier. Also, Lisa... well, Lisa may have a bit of a problem.
11/21/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Three, or Breaking Point
My frustration with Harry as a protagonist and human being comes to a boiling point in yet another cutscene that thinks it is more important than it actually is.
11/19/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-Two, or THUMP
Harry gets knocked on his ass and runs face first into a force field. That's what we would call a "highlight reel".
11/17/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty-One, or Sure, Why Not?
Instead of going for the bummer ending, we're going to save the hell out of Cybil, despite the fact that her internal organs probably now have the consistency of gravy.
11/14/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirty, or :(
We encounter a possessed friend in the amusement park and attempt to heal her with the power of bullets and massive cranial trauma. It... ends about as well as could be expected.
11/12/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Part Twenty-Nine, or Harry, King of the Mole People
Harry dives into the putrid underbelly of Silent Hill a second time to discover a race of short mole people. He subsequently kills the lot of them.
11/10/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twenty-Eight, or Dog Tossing
Harry partakes in Silent Hill's favorite sport while accomplishing precisely nothing of merit. He ends up slightly damper than before, so there's that.
11/07/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Part Twenty-Seven, or Dialogue, Silent Hill, and You
Spurred on by my earlier entry, I spend the entire update editing other people's work in a desperate if misguided effort to make it semi-coherent.
11/05/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Part Twenty-Six, or Why are We Listening to Dahlia?
You know, it's been a while since we've had a meandering, stupid conversation that repeats itself without actually giving pertinent information. Let's fix that.
11/03/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twenty-Five, or Nightmare.exe
Silent Hill gets around to loading its proper textures, and in doing so, uleashes a much less spectacular apocalypse than last time.
10/31/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Part Twenty-Four, or Dirty Deeds Done with Skeeves
We journey all over the resort area because I didn't investigate a picture, but hey, at least nothing important came of it. Thanks, game!
10/29/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twenty-Three, or The Death of Dr. Skeeves!?
We emerge in the resort area and check up on a lead that we got from a different game, whereupon we stumble upon a scene most disturbing (but not wholly unexpected).
10/27/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twenty-Two, or A Sewer Level
Oh, boy. Everyone's favorite kind of level is coming up in today's episode! Maybe we'll have an underwater level next!
10/24/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Part Twenty-One, or Behold, the Destroyer of Worlds
If you thought larval combat was the pinnacle of horror, you haven't seen anything until you've seen MOTHAL KOMBAT.
10/22/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twenty, or Arthropod Arena
The terror reaches peak capacity when we are forced to duke it out with something that hasn't evolved a spine, but does make a cocoon. So... um... horror?
10/20/2014 - Traipsing through SH: Pt. Nineteen, or I'm Sorry, I'm Rambling... I'll Shut Up.
The super-deep and not at all entirely improvised plot kicks into high gear with the fourth cutscene that just. Will. Not. Shut. UP.
10/17/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Eighteen, or Thank Goodness for Cutscenes
Remember the time when we ran up the road between overly talky cutscenes that accomplish nothing other than being uselessly cryptic? Me, too!
10/15/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Seventeen, or On Agency: A Critical Perspective
Wherein we are yelled at by an angry person for not doing some nebulously defined thing for her. It's quite silly and more than a little dumb.
10/14/2014 - Happy Release Day, Washed Hands!
A wonderful new Booktrope book was released today, and it just happened to be mine! In other words, Washed Hands is available for purchase!
10/13/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Sixteen, or Preferred Provider Omnicide
Our adventures in Alchemilla Hospital come to an abrupt end today when Harry (doesn't) die after a stupid conversation in a dark room with a returning character from Origins.
10/10/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Fifteen, or Health Maimtenance Organization
Harry makes a lot of really stupid observations today and, for his hubris, he is given a punishment most terrible.
10/08/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Fourteen, or Single Slayer Healthcare System
We encounter and exterminate the population of a new enemy, but a subtle variant picks up the slack as we venture to turn on a generator that's already been activated.
10/06/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Thirteen, or El Pasión de Doctor Skeeves
Oh, good. Guess who's back and is absolutely no better at talking to people? Also, Harry shows off some slick dance moves.
10/03/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Twelve, or Downtown!
We have an entirely new overworld to explore, and it's really, profoundly boring and empty! Although there are amorous gorillas, so there's that.
10/01/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Eleven, or Going to the Chapel
Having determined Silent Hill's population to be 956 brain-dead idiots, we can move on to new adventures consisting of, at least in part, mocking a crazy person's fashion sense.
9/29/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Ten, or Math and Other Ways to Ruin a Date
We discover that Alessa was possibly taught by a member of Sonic Youth and use the power of MATH to figure out the population of everyone's favorite ghost town.
9/26/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Nine, or Lizards Ahoy!
We clear out the horrible monster infestation by doing what comes naturally to the video game protagonist: wanton murder of those different from themselves.
9/24/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Eight, or ::dog sneeze::
Harry uncovers more dead bodies and reacts in the manner to which he is accustomed. There is also an analysis of the worst shotgun in video game history.
9/22/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Seven, or The ADA of 1990
Harry continues to be the thickest goddamn protagonist this side of the Mississippi by remarking loudly about things which aren't nearly as odd as literally everything else.
9/19/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Six, or The Return of Mr. Mittens
A frisky feline helps me backstage as we continue to wander the mostly windowless halls of Midwich with the aim of collecting trinkets to turn on the boiler to duck into a clock tower.
9/17/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Five, or Pipe Dream
Gameplay! A (kind of) puzzle! A whole mess of bashing faceless monster children with a pipe! Ghost babies! Cats in lockers! It's a rollercoaster of thrills!
9/15/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Four, or Stupid Architecture and You
Not one but TWO long-winded diatribes about the questionable architecture of Silent Hill? It's like every Christmas arrived at once AND your worst enemy was stuck on cleanup duty!
9/12/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Three, or Return to Suicide Alley
Gallivanting about the town reveals that the citizens all exploded or the citizenry's infatuation with cherry Jell-O has reached ludicrous proportions.
9/10/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part Two, or Captain CAPSLOCK
A really dopey discussion betwixt our writer/protagonist and a lady officer of the law threatens to break my brain less than five minutes in. That's always a good sign.
9/8/2014 - Traipsing through Silent Hill: Part One, or Harry's Amazing Super Sonic Hearing
We return once more to the foggy realm of Silent Hill, only this time with a much stupider protagonist.
9/3/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Eight, or The Important Questions
I learn a valuable lesson about recording videos and making sure that there is enough time to have them encode and render. I also look back on Origins and explain what went wrong.
9/1/2014 - #mywritingprocess
Tagged by the invincible Steven Luna, I am forced to relay what goes through my brain meats when confronted with that terrible demon-beast, writing. Guest starring Jinn Nelson.
8/29/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Seven, or Ephemera
Forces beyond Travis's control conspire against him in one alternate ending, while his dark id murders people in another. It's like Christmas!
8/28/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Six, or My Rig, She's A-Callin'
Travis versus a really unimaginative demon-thing in the final, climactic battle for something! We're really not quite sure yet, to be honest. Also, the game is ending.
8/27/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Five, or SWEEEEEEET!
If nothing else comes out of this whole nightmare, Travis will learn to never, ever fuck with a powerful psychic girl with an axe to grind.
8/26/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Four, or Adieu, Riverside Motel
Wherein I fondly reminisce over the good design that crops up, without warning, in the unlikeliest of places.
8/25/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Three, or Picking Nits
I spend a lot of time discussing how my interpretation of something makes a whole lot more sense than the "official" one, which means I am either a crazy person or right.
8/22/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-Two, or Shoddy Motel Mysteries
I attempt to go one update without making observations dealing with weird narrative/design decisions and I just can't do it. I'd apologize, but it's kind of my thing.
8/21/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty-One, or The Trial of Dr. Skeeves
And if you thought the weird historical racial stuff was a lark, then you're going to love where we're going today!
8/20/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twenty, or A Series of Very Bad Decisions
I hope you like tangents based on history and stupid gameplay decisions, because boy howdy, do we have those!
8/19/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Nineteen, or Random Story Arc Resolution
Today, we lament the loss of the costume designer, who, despite not having a name, somehow knew more about what the hell is going on than we did.
8/18/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Eighteen, or The Implications of Monster Design
Wherein we wander about a motel and encounter a new enemy type which actually has a coherent aesthetic that is disturbing for all of its glisteny undulations.
8/15/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Seventeen, or The Magnificent Dr. Skeeves
I. Have. Made. You. A. Gif.
It. Is. Most. Precious.
8/14/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Sixteen, or Caliban? More Like Caliban... 't
We finally get around to killing the baddie we've been told we have to kill since setting foot in the Artaud. Like most bosses, it's... anticlimactic.
8/13/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Fifteen, or You Don't Deserve Travis Grady
The episode where an optional (and kickass) library area smushes one of the most enduring criticisms of Travis's adventure's in Silent Hill. So there's that.
8/12/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Fourteen, or Stage Hands' Lament
Wherein Travis brutally takes down more sex puppets and fiddles with some lights, while I remain tremendously unimpressed by the theater's layout.
8/11/2014 - Hollowed
A chance encounter yesterday has left me in a state of contemplation about the heartbreak associated with friends moving on without you.
8/8/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Thirteen, or the Joys of Cultural Appropriation
I spend an awful lot of time raging against the costume designer's poor decisions before a shocking revelation undermines my faith in humanity and the game as a whole.
8/7/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Twelve, or Puppets, Stage Directions, and Thou
An offhand joke from the previous entry becomes a major theme as Travis journies through the Artaud Theater, a place a silly wiring and surprisingly direct level design.
8/6/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Eleven, or Freedom! Foggy, Foggy Freedom!
Despite being forced to pick up a random scrap of paper that Travis insists is important, we finally escape the seemingly unending nightmare of Clem the Patient Killer.
8/5/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Ten, or Unsettling Implications of Item Naming
Wherein we finally figure out how to break out of this place but fall short due to Travis's inability to stay conscious; also, Oedipus.
8/4/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Nine, or Analyzing Doll Puzzles
An episode where I do my inner critical analyst proud and judge the hell out of a puzzle in a game where I bludgeon taffy monsters with appliances.
8/1/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Eight, or Losing a War with an Inanimate Object
Transdimensional chicanery continues as we try desperately to find the one key we somehow just know we can't live without. Travis is a bit on the odd side, sometimes.
7/31/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: #Seven, or Why Isn't Clem Stuck in the Mirror World?
The episode where we putter around and look for something to do while stumbling upon atrocities which everyone seems weirdly okay with.
7/30/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Six, or I Hope You All Love Asylums
And so we enter into the sloggiest part of this game, with the apparently requisite journey through a "spooky" asylum.
7/29/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Pt. Five, or On the Finer Details of Monster Genitalia
We hit the streets to continue our vague mission of bringing punch-based justice to Dr. Skeeves. Possibly. I'm sitll not 100% on the "why" of it all.
7/28/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Pt. Four, or the One Where I Kill a Man Made of Taffy
Our journey through Alchemilla Hospital nears its end after six swaps between dimensions and the brutal murder of a man made out of deliciousness.
7/25/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Three, or the Death of Mr. Whacky
A major character death, innane puzzles, sexual harassment, and stabbing things square in the ass await Travis on his continuing journey into finding out what happened to Crispy Girl.
7/24/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part Two, or Impassive (adj)
Travis has long since learned to embrace change. At least, that's what his thousand-yard stare implies.
7/23/2014 - Traipsing through Origins: Part One, or Zerorigins
Wherein a trucker of noble intentions proves that he either chainsmokes like a motherfucker or used to work in a coal mine.
7/22/2014 - Zeus is Dead Review
In today's episode, I take a look at the hilarious Zeus is Dead and highly encourage you to partake it as well. Do it. DO IT NOW.
7/21/2014 - I Will Be Traipsing Through Silent Hill
I am announcing a very odd journey into that foggiest of hellholes, Silent Hill. Join us, won't you?
7/14/2014 - I'm So Bad at Paranormal Romance, You Guys (You Don't Even Know)
Today, I tried my hand at paranormal romance and I think I failed miserably. Live and learn, amiright?
7/7/2014 - On the Narrative of The Last of Us
Wherein I discuss three stumbling blocks in the narrative of the amazing game that is The Last of Us, which will continue being amazing well into the future.
6/30/2014 - The Officially Unofficial "Project Northwoods" Soundtrack
Hope you like music! I went through and thought up some recommended listening to supplement your Northwoods experience.
6/23/2014 - The Secret Language of Bumper Stickers
In today's episode, I take a look at six of the more common types of bumper stickers and explain what they actually say about their owners.
6/16/2014 - Action-Packed
In response to Project Northwoods apparently being chock full of action, I decided to ramble on about some elements of a good set piece.
6/9/2014 - On Books and Groupwork
To unwind after last week's depressing ponderings, I talk about how working with others in writing appears to be less fun than playing "jam the splinter under the toe nail".
6/2/2014 - Rage
A brief attempt at working through some of the more horrible events of recent weeks, because sometimes I need to breathe and it's just a bit too hard without a textual exercise.
5/27/2014 - Sample Chapter from Michael G. Munz's Zeus is Dead
Wherein I abuse my power to get my readers early access to an awesome book that manages to make Greek mythology hilarious. More so than normal, anyway.
5/19/2014 - A Note on Advertisements
It's interesting how getting us to buy products looks more and more like deliberately trying to drive us insane with absolutely terrible ideas.
5/12/2014 - Child of Light vs. Frozen
I hope you like reading about strong female protagonists, because that's kind of the theme of this here post.
5/5/2014 - More on Retail and Service
I once again dive into my past to give you information on that terrible fate of many unfortunate souls: working in retail or the service industries.
4/28/2014 - On Villains and Metal Gear
Wherein I describe to you how a game series is responsible for one of the ways I approach writing villains.
4/21/2014 - On Frozen
In what will surely get me hate-murdered by various Internet denizens, I discuss why Frozen just wasn't very good.
4/14/2014 - On Music and Video Games, Pt. 2
Today I shall walk a familiar path as I gush about the music I like to listen to while I write. Yes, I'm rambling and you're going to listen.
4/7/2014 - They're Called Baristas Because "Annoyed Misanthropes" is Bad PR
To the shock of everyone involved, I venture forth upon the topic of the abused barista and why customers are wankers.
3/31/2014 - Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea Episode Two: Review and Reflection
I dive once more into the depths to determine whether or not the newest DLC installment of Bioshock is worth it (it isn't).
3/24/2014 - 100^th Blog Post (un)Spectacular! Writing Advice You Didn't Ask For
100 fresh(ish) blog posts means a desperate attempt at finding something to say. It ends poorly.
3/17/2014 - Editing or Whatever
And now we go on a bit of an odd tangent regarding editing or something along those lines - it's really anyone's guess.
3/10/2014 - On Sequels
Today, I reflect on sequels in the era of franchises, which is actually not saying much at all considering that that's most fiction.
3/3/2014 - An Open Letter to My Age Group
Hello, Internet denizens in my age group. We need to talk and, no, you're probably not going to like it.
2/24/2014 - Some Project Northwoods Reflections
Wherein I muse on the publication of my novel about super heroes punching each other, which is available now at many fine (and terrible) retailers.
2/17/2014 - You've Frightened Us More Than the Others: Our Darker Purpose Review and Reflection
Quasi-roguelike with light RPG elements and taking place in a dystopian Victorian orphanage inspired by the visual style of Edward Gorey? Sign me up!
2/10/2014 - Washed Hands - Chapter Nineteen
Monica puts her life on the line one last time in a last-ditch effort to bring the killer to justice.
2/3/2014 - Washed Hands - Chapter Eighteen
In order to head off the killer, Monica must put herself directly in harm's way. The weather also continues to be problematic.
1/27/2014 - Washed Hands - Chapter Seventeen
Monica and her companion investigate a hunch that brings them one step closer to finding the killer and one step deeper into the nightmare.
1/20/2014 - Post Mortem Review: Resident Evil 6
Wherein I discuss the profoundly stupid evolution of a game franchise that should probably be killed for its own good.
1/13/2014 - Washed Hands - Chapter Sixteen
Hunting down the perpetrator takes an unexpected turn. Also, Jasper's breasts are discussed.
1/6/2014 - Washed Hands - Chapter Fifteen
Monica and Jasper regroup and try to figure out just how Victoria's death and Monica's life tie together.