On the Subject of Names
For as long as I’ve been writing fiction, I’ve always had problems with coming up with character names. Now, sure, that opens me up to countless other problems that I have that people would love to throw my way, but I guess the bigger point is that character names can become synonymous with the work in question. So, in a way, a bad character name can effectively hijack any attempt at being taken seriously. Action movies from the 80's and video games, while not having a monopoly on stupid names for their heroes and villains, certainly musters up quite a few with such highlights as John Matrix, Jack Slate, Max Payne, and Marion “Cobra” Cobretti.
Now, this is usually about trying to establish a character who is so tough that it is immediately reflected in their name. And I guess this is where the whole thing breaks down for me. I know that there are some people who are irredeemably stupid, but I’d like to think that those who name their children something preposterous like ‘Biff Wangdanger’ are not prophetic. I mean, I suppose it is arguable that Max Payne’s father had high hopes for his child (or just really hated him) and therefore saddled him with a name straight out of a B-movie, but it rings more of an angsty teen going to the local Social Security building on his eighteenth birthday and changing his name to something he thinks will magically make him cool.
Another reason that this is a bad idea is how utterly interchangeable this makes your protagonists. And I’m not just talking about how we have two separate video games set in separate universes where the only difference in the hero’s name is exchanging an ‘x’ for a ‘c’ – that would be Red Faction: Guerilla and one of the many tumors peeled off of the Call of Duty franchise. I’m talking about the generic grizzled dude with a macho name is completely forgettable outside of their dumbass name. They only seem to exist to hold weaponry, scowl and roar, and shuffle in the general direction of the enemy. This is best illustrated in that masterpiece of the science-fiction genre, Space Mutiny:
At the same time, though, you don’t want something ultimately forgettable. To be fair, a well-written character doesn’t need a unique name to make them stand out – Jim and Selena from 28 Days Later are really the only two protagonists from a zombie film I remember with greater clarity than ‘that blonde one’ and ‘the dipshit.’ But it stands to say that a decent name will be a better anchor for your audience than naming them something dumb.
And this is where I always have problems. As much as I would like to be able to spontaneously generate first and last names that fit well together and sound like they are a part of the world around them, I always have a fear of giving my creations a complex. I would just hate giving an adult the name of ‘Byron Thunderpunch’ knowing that he grew up an asthmatic nerd with an entire battalion of imaginary friends. And I’d hate to imagine the abuse heaped upon ‘Tara Rex’ at the police academy. Maybe this ties into my generalized fear and hatred of children and the responsibility involved, but the name is always the most difficult part.
This is pretty much the reason why I usually end up stealing my friends’ names and mix-and-matching them. And, in some cases, doing an outright copy-and-paste job because I am creatively bankrupt in that particular area. Not only is it a good way to fill in the gaps, but I also get to give handwaves to people that I like and find to be quite pleasant company.
This also does extend to famous people, namely because I am a consumer of pop culture and inspiration strikes at odd times. Further, I particularly go for characters that I find to be highly entertaining rather than the people portraying them. For instance, the actor in Project Northwoods – Weston Marsh – is named after the main character from the show Burn Notice, Michael Weston. The two have very little in common outside the name – it’s just meant as a nod to something I enjoy.
EDIT 11.11.2021: News broke today that the man whose nickname I borrowed for the initial version of Arthur's last name, the founder of the website Something Awful, has died. The original version of this blog post was written many years ago from the perspective of someone who had grown up with much of the positive elements of Something Awful's community coloring the interpretation of the founder. As such, much of his terrible behavior—at least, the extent of his behavior that I knew about through his site—before I wrote this post was interpreted incredibly charitably and much of the good I took from the broader community became, unfairly, "owned" by the man in my imagination.
Arthur's last name originally came as a placeholder while writing the stage play Northwoods was adapted from and was meant to be changed. The change just never happened. It was long overdue and, as time went on and I grew up and continued to evolve while the founder routinely doubled-down on his worst behavior, it was clearly the right move. To quote his second wife from the Kotaku article linked above:
He was a complex man and it’s devastating that there was so much potential there for a happier life if he tried to heal his demons and addictions successfully, and it ended like this. — LadyAmbien
END EDIT 11.11.2021
And that’s what this is. Project Northwoods is its own thing and Arthur is his own man. It’s sad to see the change, but I wouldn’t want to draw connections where there aren’t any. I also wouldn’t want my own work to be overshadowed. It may not be that Northwoods will change the world. But I want it to have the chance to do so of its own accord.
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