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Welcome to the Album of Darkness!

 

Apart from being a reference to an aggressively silly (and hilarious) Sam Raimi movie, this is my collection of weird/offensive/funny photos from my various travels. They can be obtuse, to be sure, but that's half the fun!

 

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Cow Stool!? Oh... oh, dear. Fish Tender!? Heavy duty psycho-analytic action! I'm not sure I should trust this Dr. Vegetable.

That goose does not look happy with the situation. And immediately Gary regretted requesting a hand job. I don't think the headliner writer really 'gets' the sequence food goes through. Huh. That's... that's really gross. This isn't all that weird, but it was 4:15 in the morning and there was a squirrel just chilling on my car in the underground parking. It was odd.

ipidou? Do you get it? Cause it's hilarious if you do! (Joke not guaranteed) Nothing says commitment to your political cause like cardboard cutouts. We, as a society, read left to right. This is the kind of thing you should be aware of when aligning your images and text. It's disturbing... and yet, I can not look away!

Really? They made them for men, too? Insert your own joke. I'm not taking responsibility for this. Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel! I really hope this was unintentional. This is not a thing and you know it, gas station! What the hell is wrong with you? Hey! Get back here! Answer me!

Oh, really? Can I demand you spell check or pay? Come for the erotica, stay for the racism! OM NOM NOM! Also, I think we get the 'NOM' part of that from the word "nomble." The more you know! I didn't realize Pride and Prejudice had Edward Cullen in it. This is awesome. Namely because I'm imagining this as a super-cool gay cowboy adventure.

I will never understand why this was so important. What to buy them? How about nothing? They can buy half the damn planet, and you think presents are important? What the hell is wrong with y... hey! Get your hands off me! I can say whatever I want! I don't need to be taken away, you sons of- For all your horrible Aryan-based washing needs. Shrimp should be the only thing flavored like shrimp, dammit. Shrimp is meat! Don't try to lie about that! It may be an ugly pseudo-sea cockroach, but it is still goddamn meat and you are still killing it because it is delicious. Sometimes, nature conspires to scare the shit out of you. Like skull tree, here.

Oh, come on now! Why is this a thing? Soylent hats are made from people! I know I've used it once on this page, but isn't 'OM NOM NOM' appropriate? I'd feel better if these were all hand made by the people who wore them, as opposed to being mass-produced. :( ... ow.

Trumpy, you can do magic! Does something seem a little... I don't know... off, about this unconscious victim? Huh. It's Wuthering Dawn. Is it just me, or is this the setup to an awful Dexter/Sweeney Todd fan fiction? OH GOD, WHERE'S HIS LEGS!?

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